You know, I get told all the time that I have an active mind. Yea, yea …. thank you I guess. Sometimes I think that maybe my mind is no more active than anyone else’s, but then things happen that make me realize everyone is right.
Having an (abnormally) active mind isn’t a good or bad thing I don’t suppose, but it absolutely presents challenges, and can be downright frustrating.
Sometimes it’s hard to interact with people. They make a simple comment about their job, or their relationships, or anything really, and I unpack the whole thing and 5 ways they could alter their existence – as I see it – all in about 30 seconds. I’m thinking to myself “this might be helpful to them”. They’re thinking “what just happened?”.
Sometimes I get dialogue. Sometimes I get deer in the headlight looks. Sometimes, I get “Yea … wow, I don’t even WANT to think about it that much. And you did so in seconds” followed by a change of subject. Haha.
Sometimes I catch myself analyzing people. If I’m talking to someone I know and care about (and sometimes even strangers), and my mind isn’t otherwise engaged with something challenging, I’ll analyze THEM. Mentally peering into their motives I look for clues about why they said what they just said, or why they said it the WAY they said it, or why they DIDN’T say something that seems appropriate and aligned with all the other data points I have to work with. No particular reason. Just seeking to understand what I am engaged with more deeply, and what I’m engaged with happens to be a who. It’s without emotion or judgement – just mental exercise. It’s not a matter of fun, enjoyment, purpose, or the like – it’s just mental processing because that’s what my brain does. It thinks – almost always.
But sometimes it’s on, and sometimes it’s off, and I never seem to be able to turn it on when I want to. I’m sitting here staring at the ocean waves crashing right now and don’t feel like I could come up with an intelligent statement if I had to. But, perhaps it’s mental downtime. I’m sure it is, fine – but I can’t seem to finish a blog post to save my life and it’s frustrating. However, if I were engaged in conversation with someone (anyone) I’d come alive instantly and my mind would start lighting up like a Christmas tree. Capturing my thoughts in a way that will benefit others LATER is going to be a challenge, and apparently always has been now that I think about it. I am great in the moment, but not so much when trying to write it all down after the fact.
So, why am I saying this? Well, I accepted this blog challenge you see. And all weekend I’ve been thinking about, and writing about, a few subjects. As I have been writing, they get long. Even longer than long. Then I split them. Then the parts I split get long. It never ends. A thought doesn’t begin and end for me. It goes on, and on. My thoughts have thoughts, and those have their own thoughts too.
I refuse to fail this blog challenge, especially right in the beginning – so I am choosing to type these thoughts (and frustrations) out and just post them. Maybe I’ll learn something from that. Maybe you’ll learn something about me. I suppose both are part of the point of the challenge.